From my vantage point as an adoptive mom of three siblings (now ages 7, 10 and 11) who were placed with us for adoption 18 months ago, I have two messages for those who are at any point in the adoption process:
- It’s worth the waiting and the hard work
- Life does get easier
My husband, Jack and I talked about adopting for almost 10 years before we finally made the choice to become parents, chose A Family for Every Child and started the home study process. During that time Jack even went back to school to become a nurse so he could support our family and I could be a stay-at-home mom. Most of our waiting was during those years of school and making the decision to be parents because we were blessed to be chosen at our first committee, within just a few months of our home study being finished.
The really hard work began for us when our children, Emilio, Ben and Emily joined our family. It was a big adjustment for us as a formerly childless couple in our early 40s, to have three active children! But I want to encourage those who might be in a similar situation – adjusting to the noise and chaos of children, wondering if you will ever get to know your kid(s), questioning your sanity – life does get easier. After 18 months, I just now feel like I’m emerging from a fog and reclaiming some personal interests. We are in a much better place as a family than we were even a year ago. Our children still struggle with a lot of anxiety (Christmas and the finalization of our adoption on December 30, 2013 were both anxiety inducing times) but we are learning how to comfort them, how to talk with them and what coping skills to teach them. We try to notice small improvements, like our son being able to look me in the eye when I’m correcting him. And on our adoption ceremony day, our other son gave us a special note that said in part, “you have earned my trust.”
Our children are thriving – all three doing fine in school, making friends and enjoying just being kids. Our sons are both playing basketball this winter and our daughter recently enjoyed a whole weekend with her “BFF” – playing dress-up and getting her nails painted for the first time – as our family went away on a retreat with other families from our church. Parenting our children is by far the hardest thing I have ever done but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I am incredibly thankful we made the decision to adopt and we are so thankful for AFFEC, for the important role you played in making us a family.
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